


I'll sleep when I'm dead

by MisfitGhost



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: After Camping Trip, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bad Ending, Character Death, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Depression, How Do I Tag, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Rin, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Insomnia, My First Work in This Fandom, Poor Rin, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-11-13 02:46:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11175387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisfitGhost/pseuds/MisfitGhost
Summary: They always scroll at him for falling asleep in class.They call him a slacker.Everyone thinks he doesn't want to pay attention.Yukio always says he sleeps to much, that he should focus more on his work.But no one knows what's like to be awake until the sun begins to rise.But he guessed he sleeps when he is dead.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So my first real work in English... I hope I do good and don't mess up to much xD.
> 
> I'm sorry if this turns out shit. But have fun reading I guess ? Also, my first work in the BE/ANO Fandom. (the series found a place in my heart to fast, it's crazy) I (sadly) don't own Blue Exorcist or the characters. 
> 
> I also don't own the Song. But for everyone who wants to know its 'I'll sleep when I'm dead' from Set it off.

~It's the same each and every night. Glare at my screen with two big bloodshot eyes. I'm stuck self-torturing; my meds are failing me. Internal clock in smithereens. Can't fix this, I'm hopeless.~ 

Rin looked over to the other side of the room.  
Yukios bed was still empty wich meann that he was still out doing what ever his little brother was doing. He never told him what. It seemed like the bond they had when there were little broke completely after there father died and he still would do everything to protect his brother. Do everything to make him not worried, even when it meant that he was suffering. 

~My eyes are stapled open wide, As I lay down on my side. I am bouncing off these walls.~

He was staring up to the studied ceiling for 2. Damn hours now and he was beginning to feel restless, but he didn't want to get up.  
Rin rolled over to his side to look at Kuro.  
His little familiar was the only one who still cared about him and standing up would wake the Cat Sídhe up and then Kuro would be worried why he was still awake. Even thought the fact that he knew that he wasn't going to get any sleep this night, he closed his eyes. 

~Notice my hands begin to twitch. Unprovoked assaulting of my conscious wit. Me and the TV are enemies. Sickening static surrounds my mind. I'm losing time, and realizing that After days of thought that I'm Stuck self-torturing; my medsare failing me. Internal clock in smithereens. Can't fix this, I'm hopeless.~

He always had trouble falling asleep, even when he was little.  
Shiro first thought that only because he was an active kid and that it would go away with time, but as it dragged on for a while and it only got worse he took him to a doctor or something, he couldn't really remember. 'Insomnia' At the age of 6 he didn't know what that was, only that it was the scours for his sleepless nights, so he bagged his dad that they wouldn't tell Yukio. 'He doesn't need to know. He would only worry.' After a while  
Shiro agreed. He was put on meds and that was it. They had helped him, but only for a while. He never told his dad that somewhere along the line that this sleeping pills weren't doing there work. And now where he was dead he stops taking them. It was kind of funny to him. Even his meds were failing him. 

~My eyes are stapled open wide, As I lay down on my side. I am bouncing off these walls. As I focus on the clock, Time stands still, but I cannot. I should strap myself in bed. I guess I'll sleep when I am dead.~

Rin already had his head lying on the table when is brother came in to the room and he didn't even bothered to look up. Tow nights in rough with no sleep did that to you. He could briefly make out Bon's voice though his hazy mind. 

"The only thing he does here is sleeping. I don't understand why he is even here. A demon in an exorcist class ? He should just hand himself out to the Vatican, it would be better for all of us."

Rin didn't know if that stupid rooster head really thought he was sleeping, but he knew that his ex-friends would have said it either way. Sleep. To be true the blue haired teen didn't even know what a good night rest felled like anymore.

~Talk to myself, lie in the darkness so content. As the sun begins to rise, I can barely shut my eyes. This crazed, delirious mess; laughing at everything I see. My sanity is spent. Just tell me where my time went. I'm losing it.~

They next days dragged on like the same way. Getting zero sleep, going to class only to get scrolled on because he was 'sleeping' in calls, going home and reap the same way.

Rin was pretty sure if he was a normal human he would have died at that point from the lack of sleep, but even with his demon side it was tearing his sanity apart. He could focus on anything anymore. Even cooking was hell for him now, something he used to love. He looked at the alarm that was standing beside him. It was hard to make out the numbers but after a short while he was able to read the time 4:56am. If he was able to fall asleep now he could at leased get an hour of rest. Just as he closed his eyes he could see the sun begin to rise. 

Rin woke up as someone roughly shakes his shoulder. 

"If you don't get up now, you will be late for school." Yukios voice sounded angry. The half demon looking at him, his vision was still blurry as he sat up and let up a yawn. 

"I don't get how the hell you are still tired after you sleep so long, especially since you do nothing but being lazy."

With that Yukio left the room and Rin stared after him. He always hied the fact that he was lying wake until early in the morning or getting zero sleep at all. Always acing like he was already asleep when his brother came home and waiting for the younger one to fall asleep until he would reopen his eyes. But the 15 years old was sure if his Otouto would just look at him, really look at him he could see the dark bags under his eyes.

~Attention: All insomniacs, please raise your right hand. And kindly, repeat after me.  
"I guess I'll sleep when I am dead!”~

When you're an insomniac it isn't really hard to make out this people who suffer the same way as you. It was the same way for him. There was a girl in one of his regular classes that looked just like him. Dark, never leaving, bags under the eyes, pale skin and slowly loosing more and more weight. It didn't take both of them to figure it out. One day when She and Rin looked eyes again she moved her lips, but no words left her mouth, but the blue-eyed boy still understand her. 'I'll guess I sleep when I'm dead.'

~Cause I'm stuck self-torturing; my meds are failing me. Internal clock in smithereens. Can't fix this, I'm hopeless. My eyes are stapled open wide, As I lay down on my side. I am bouncing off these walls. As I focus on the clock, Time stands still, but I cannot. I should strap myself in bed. I guess I'll sleep when I am dead.~

Really it originally was just another sleepless night for him. Listening to the soft breathing if his brother, feeling the conforming warmth of Kuro at his side and staring up at his ceiling. But it was different tonight. 

Kuro had asked him if he was okay, it hurt him that he was worrying his, only, friend and the words, if you could call it that, of that girls where sucked in his head. He didn't care if he died no one cared for him anymore, well beside  
Kuro maybe, but Rin knew that Shimi or Koneko no wait... konekomura would look after his little familiar. Heck the teen was sure even his brother wouldn't be heartless enough to let the Cat Sídhe fall. Being dead wasn't something he was scared of, but sleep it sounded so good in his ears. If he was in the right minds know, he would do this, but he isn't and sleep and being free from all that pain, was all he wanted. Sleep. Slowly Rin moved to stand up. Even thought he was being careful his movements still managed to wake up Kuro.

Before the cat could say anything Rin forced out another lie. His last one. 

"Go back to sleep Kuro, I just want to get myself a glass of water."

The two tailed cat blinked at him for a few seconds before closed his eyes again and fell asleep. Short before the blue haired boy was out of the room he turned around one more time. 

"I love ya buddy, thank you sticking by my side."

Slowly Rin made his way up to the roof. The night air was cold but he didn't fell it any way. He was just to numb. 

"We gonna see us soon dad."

He said as he looked up to the stars before he made his way to the end of the dorm roof. Blue empty eyes looks down to the ground. It was high enough to easily kill a human, but he was sure even with his demon side he wouldn't survive this fall. So he let himself fall. Just a few centimeters before he hit the ground he faintly whispered the words. 

I guess I'll sleep when I am.~


	2. Question ?

Hello my little Akuma's ! c:

I know I planed this as an OS, but would you guys like a second part in Yukios View or even a full Story (maybe then with an Happy End ) ? 

Please let me know ! :3 

Bye ^-^

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on wattpad under the name Shadowprince_ ! :3


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